NY Times: Adoption & Search for Identity

The NY Times featured an article today which highlights a study on adoptees’ search for identity. The article focuses on adoptees from South Korea, but could be applicable to children adopted from other countries. Our son will be raised as an American. But I hope we will be able to offer him the support and encouragement he needs whenever the time comes that he may want to learn more about his heritage and ethnicity. 

“For Joel Ballantyne, a high school teacher in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., who was adopted by white parents in 1977, the study confirms many of the feelings that he and other adoptees have tried to explain for years.

“This offers proof that we’re not crazy or just being ungrateful to our adoptive parents when we talk about our experiences,” said Mr. Ballantyne, 35, who was adopted at age 3 and who grew up in Alabama, Texas and, finally, California.

Jennifer Town, 33, agreed.

“A lot of adoptees have problems talking about these issues with their adoptive families,” she said. “They take it as some kind of rejection of them when we’re just trying to figure out who we are.”

Ms. Towns, who was adopted in 1979 and raised in a small town in Minnesota, recalled that during college, when she announced that she was going to Korea to find out more about her past, her parents “freaked out.” – Excerpt from Adopted from Korea and In Search of Identity, New York Times, November 9, 2009

One Month Anniversary

It was one month ago that we met our son at St. Lucy’s in Taiwan. God has blessed us, and we are grateful beyond words. He’s bonding well, showing leeriness towards strangers and preferring his mama to others. When we first met him, smiles were hard to come by (unless we tickled him). Now he lights up and flashes his toothy grin regularly for us. Four new teeth have poked through his gums since we brought him home…he fussed a little about that, but not too much. There have been family adjustments and new routines, and a few tiring days for us as we continue to get used to one another. Our church has blessed us with meals every other day since arriving home, which has been wonderful – I will eventually have to return to the grocery store, probably this weekend Here are a couple of photos from our first month at home.

First trip to an apple orchard: I wonder if this thing will fit in my mouth?

I'm loving this avocado!

Review: Park Taipei Hotel

This is the fourth post in a series about the hotels where we stayed in Taiwan.

After returning to Taipei, we stayed at the Park Taipei Hotel. This is a new hotel and has only been open since about June. We chose it because of its proximity to the American Institute in Taiwan, where we had to go to obtain our son’s visa to come home. Overall, it’s a nice hotel. We had a couple of issues with the front desk and housekeeping which I will explain below. I am happy we stayed there, and it only took us about 10 minutes to walk to AIT. Like the other hotels where we stayed, it offered free wired Internet access, a good breakfast buffet and the location was perfect for us. It was close to an MRT (subway) station and we were able to walk to the Jade and Flower Markets on Saturday.

Front Desk: Late Check-out Request

The hotel staff was service-oriented and very helpful, which is why I was surprised at the response to our request to check out a couple of hours late. We had told the front desk upon check-in that we may only stay two nights instead of four nights, depending on how quickly our son’s visa was issued. Once we received the visa on Friday afternoon, we told the front desk we would be checking out on Saturday, and requested a late check-out of 2-3pm, since our flight departed that evening. They said no. The room had originally been reserved by us for two more nights, so I was surprised they said no. I told them I was willing to pay a fee to check out late. The front desk manager then offered to let us check out late if we paid 50% of the room rate. I told her that was unacceptable and the most I would pay would be $50. She checked with her manager and said that would be fine. When we checked out, they decided to waive the fee.

Housekeeping

We had designated “Do Not Disturb” on our door at the hotel while our son was napping. It was about 10am when housekeeping knocked. Before I could get to the door they had already entered our room. The woman did not understand English and she kept motioning that she wanted to clean our room. Perhaps it would be helpful if the hotel wrote their “Do Not Disturb” signs in Mandarin so the housekeeping staff could understand it.

Would I stay at this hotel again? Probably. It was worth it to be so close to AIT, especially when the visa officer called to tell us we could pick up our visa early. And it is a really nice hotel. It was the most expensive of the four hotels where we stayed, at a rate of about $180/night (including occupancy and government taxes).

Our room at the Park Taipei Hotel

Another view of the room

Review: Hotel Tainan

This is the third post in a series about the hotels in which we stayed while traveling in Taiwan.

Hotel Tainan was our third hotel in Taiwan, located in Tainan near the train station. We stayed there for two nights at a rate of about $75/night. It was not the newest or fanciest hotel in Tainan (I think that’s the Tayih Landis Hotel where we had dinner one night). However, it is a great value for the price. I would compare this hotel to an older Marriott or perhaps an upscale Holiday Inn with a doorman and bellboys. The least appealing part of our stay was the view from our room, which was an old, possibly-abandoned building across the street.

Pros:

• Good breakfast buffet, offering some Western options
• Easy to find a taxi; helpful doormen and lobby staff
• Reasonable rates
• Free wired Internet access

Cons:

• Small room, even smaller bathroom
• Location not as convenient for sightseeing or shopping
• Warm room: we lowered the thermostat, but the room stayed warm at about 25 degrees Celsius (about 77 degrees Fahrenheit)

If we returned to Tainan I would compare the rates of the Hotel Tainan to the Tayih Landis Hotel. The Tayih Landis Hotel was closer to some stores where we enjoyed shopping, and is the hotel where we had our special dinner before our big day at St. Lucy’s.

Our room

The view from our room

Review: Parkview Hotel in Hualien

This is the second post in a series about the hotels where we stayed while visiting Taiwan.

Our stay at the Parkview Hotel was a last-minute booking, the result of a desperate call to see if the hotel had any availability after we arrived in Hualien at the homestay/bed-and-breakfast where we had made reservations. We realized the homestay was not what we expected. We opened up our Lonely Planet Guide and found the Parkview Hotel. We were surprised when we called to find that the rate was only NT$2999/night (about US$90). That was not even close to the rate listed in the Lonely Planet guide. We later learned we probably received a special rate because of Ghost Month, since traveling is apparently taboo during the month.

If we had to plan our trip again, we would have spent an extra day or two in Hualien at the Parkview Hotel. The manager spoke excellent English. They arranged a private tour of Taroko Gorge for us with a local taxi driver. The breakfast was included in the room rate, and offered several Western options. The hotel provided wireless Internet access. There was a laundry room on the first floor where I was able to do our laundry. The amenities offered on the hotel property were enough that if we returned with our children, we would not need to leave the premises to enjoy our vacation. I could go on and on. . .but instead I will just post a couple of photos of the hotel.

Parkview Hotel Room

Pool area

Review: Feeling Hotel in Taipei

We stayed in four hotels while in Taiwan. I am going to share my opinion on those hotels in the next few posts. I hope this information will be helpful for others who are in the midst of travel planning.

We stayed at the Feeling Hotel in Taipei for four nights, when we first arrived in Taiwan. It is located in the Tienmu area of Taipei, near the Taipei American School. The closest MRT (subway) station is about a 5-10 minute cab ride away. We thought we may be able to walk to an MRT station, but it’s too far.

Pros:

• You’ll probably meet other adoptive families. We met two families while we were there and we enjoyed chatting with them about their adoptions and meeting their children.
• The hotel staff is helpful. One of the front desk clerks speaks pretty good English.
• Free wired Internet access (don’t forget to bring an Ethernet cord with you to Taiwan.)
• Convenient to ex-pat import shops, where you could find Gatorade and Kellogg’s Raisin Bran and other familar items.
• Quiet.
• Empty refrigerator in the room.
• Hotel was inexpensive, only about USD$50-60/night, a little more on the weekend nights.

Cons:

• It’s an older hotel. I would compare it to an older Motel 6 or Super 8 Hotel.
• Breakfast did not look appetizing to us. We opted to buy Raisin Bran and milk and keep it in the refrigerator in our room. We also bought disposable bowls and spoons, all at the Wellcome Market near the hotel.
• Cabs are a must if you want to see the sights in Taipei while staying at the Feeling Hotel. They’re inexpensive but the drivers do not speak English, so take a taxi card with you and be sure and pick up hotel business cards for the return trip.

Home Sweet Home

We arrived home on Sunday afternoon. Our little guy is doing pretty well. I’m just not sure if his nighttime waking schedule is because of jet-lag or his usual routine. He has been going to bed about 7pm the last two nights, waking up in the middle of the night for a bottle (somewhere between 10pm and 2am), then getting up for the day about 4:45am. Yes, I said 4:45am. I need to push his bedtime back an hour or two, but he is so tired at 7pm, it’s difficult to keep his eyes open. And I don’t want him to be overly tired when I put him to bed.

He did pretty well on the plane ride home, too, sleeping in the bassinet for about 6-8 hours of our flight. When we arrived in Newark, we had to stay overnight in a hotel because our connecting flight was not until Sunday. He was awake most of that night, but I kind of expected that. We did have a travel snafu in Newark. Because we had changed our plans to get an earlier flight home, the Continental flight was changed as well. But the Continental computer system was not showing that our tickets with EVA had been synchronized and re-issued. So the supervisor at the check-in counter was telling us, in his oh-so-friendly New Jersey accent, that we did not have tickets and could not get on that flight. Fortunately, we had contacted our travel agent about this possible problem before going to the airport and he was able to get it straightened out with Continental.

Here are a few photos from the journey home . . .

Sweet dreams in bassinet on plane

Sitting in Daddy's seat on the flight home. . .he's a good traveler!

First ride in the carseat

Happy baby!

Getting ready to go home!

Good news! We have our son’s visa – AIT told us it would not be ready until Monday but we asked if there was any way we could pick it up today. They called us a little before 2pm and said we could get it today if we came before 3:30pm. Yippee! That means we can get a flight out on Saturday night rather than waiting until Monday. We miss our other kids so much and cannot wait to see them.

Today we had lunch at the infamous Din Tai Fung Restaurant. They are known for their dumplings and they did not disappoint. They were so busy we were seated at a table with three women on holiday from Hong Kong. (It seemed like a few other tables had people seated together that did not know each other.) They told us they love the dumplings so much they come there each time they visit Taiwan. We waited about 30 minutes to be seated. While waiting for a table, the hostess takes orders so when you finally are seated, your food is ready almost immediately. Very efficient service, and delicious!

Dining at Din Tai Fung

Before we leave tomorrow we hope to return to the Taiwan Handicraft Mart to buy a few souvenirs, and also visit the weekend Jade Market.

Meeting our son for the first time

Backtracking a bit, I wanted to fill you in a bit on our day at St. Lucy’s Center and meeting our son for the first time.

Our agency’s in-country coordinator was scheduled to meet us at our hotel in Tainan about 9:30am. We called her to check-in and make sure everything was still on schedule at St. Lucy’s. She told us on the phone then that the birthmom was going to be at the orphanage to meet us. I was already nervous, and hearing that just made the butterflies in my stomach a bit more intense. We had brought a gift for our son’s birthmother but did not expect to meet her.

There is no way we would have been able to direct a taxi to St. Lucy’s. For families who go there on their own, without someone with their agency, kudos for finding that place and not getting lost. It seemed like the roads (more like alley ways) kept getting smaller and smaller and we kept making turns.

We went to the meeting room upstairs. I gave one of the caregivers the outfit we had chosen for our son – a UVA onesie, shorts and a socks. The clothes fit, but just barely. I think I guessed his size pretty well, with both his clothes and the diapers we bought.

They brought him to us about 10 minutes later. It felt like it was taking forever. I fell in love with him as soon as I saw him. The caregivers at St. Lucy’s said he is reserved. . .I would call him Mr. Serious. He came to me easily and seemed pretty unemotional about all that was going on. It wasn’t until later when another caregiver came in to feed and play with him that we really saw his personality emerge. That was a relief – it seems he had really bonded with this particular caregiver and we were pleased to see him laughing and playing.

After playing with him, we were given a tour of St. Lucy’s. We were not allowed to go into the nurseries, but could look in through the windows. The nurse took our son back into the nursery and took some photos of him in his crib for us. We had also taken a matte with us which we asked his caregivers to sign (thanks, Judy, for that wonderful idea). We will take it home with us and frame it with a photo we have of the caregivers holding him.

After we ate some lunch, the birthmom came in with a friend. It was an emotional meeting. We learned that she is originally from Hualien, and we were able to tell her we had visited that area on our trip and that was our favorite part of Taiwan. We are so grateful for the time we spent with her. We have some wonderful photos of her with our son, as well as all four of us together. I will treasure those photos and look forward to sharing them with our son when he is older.

A few more photos from our day at St. Lucy’s. . .

 

Good morning!

Good morning! We had a good first night with our little man. We were told he eats every four hours, even at night. So I was pleased when he went to bed about 9pm after finishing his bottle, and slept through until about 6am. He may have slept longer, but I wanted to go ahead and wake him up so we would not be rushed getting to our Visa appointment at the American Institute of Taiwan (AIT).

When we get home, I intend to post reviews of all of the hotels where we have stayed on this trip. For this part of our trip, we are staying at the Park Taipei Hotel. It’s a new hotel, open since June. We chose this hotel because it is only about an 8-minute walk to AIT. It’s near two MRT (subway) stations, too.

Our AIT appointment went smoothly. We met two other adoptive families this morning: W8tn4#2&3 and Searching for Janie. Our little guy looks huge compared to their babies. It was nice to talk to other Americans and hear about their adoption experiences.

Here are a few more photos. . .

Fascinated with the baby in the mirror

On the move!

Laughing...